Excesses of youth

been wanting to disappear, liquify,
watching Havoc and wanting to do the whole youth thing all over again so i can waste it all over again–wanting to liquify
because it feels so good
to feel so bad
so dangerous
in your stomach
the drugs
that mess up your head
instead of just having your head messed up
now i just swim and drown in my dreams
and i can’t find my way
nightmares
i want to live them again
so tired of this life