Thursday, March 12, 2009

it's a thought...

now that i have this type of experience perhaps i can make some extra cash from a few other avenues...

the idled librarian type can use the computer and/or print resources to identify and locate people whose homes can be burglarized; some of them might even be robbed if the research reveals that they go around with a lot of cash on hand. Many a clever criminal has used the library for these purposes. Why should we leave all the good things to them? Besides, it is a way to get a bit of revenge against a society that doesn't value either the librarian or her skills--if you don't believe this, take a look at your paycheck to see how you've been robbed.

Most librarians lack up-to-date robbery or thieving skills. Few of them are adept at cracking windows or carrying off home-invasion heists, but knowledge, as we like to say, is only a few keystrokes away. To begin with, you should research prominent folks in your neighborhood. Find out where they live. If they belong to social clubs, dig up schedules--it's a lot better to jimmy a window when only the maid is home--she probably makes about what you do and won't mind you stepping on the curtains if you're polite. Oh, and learn Spanish. Many household slaves are underpaid foreign nationals from Hispanic countries. A few nice words will get them on your side; maybe they will even show you where the Master of the House keeps his coin collection.

Also: know when to use violence. Is it more lucrative to pistol-whip the man of the house, or just threaten? This is another skill that will come in handy when you are managing your own library.

[It is very important that you do not kidnap kids unless you have a place to put them. If you must, leave them in the children's section of the library; they will be indistinguishable from the others dumped there, and will doubtless be happier than at home with the folks.]

Do some hard thinking about murder. It is not something to take lightly. Most thefts are treated like squashed bugs by the police, but if you off some fool, even if he wouldn't give up the leather, they'll put the eye on you but good. You might end up doing life, clerking in the library at the state pen, and they don't have wireless connections, believe me.

My suggestion is that you begin by dipping into the cash box, just to see if you like the feeling. Give a look at gun magazines to see if they've got something that matches your purse. When you see patrons, don't just think of service, think of opportunities. What the heck, if you don't ever become a thief, you can always run a retirement plan.

hmmm...i think i might have a few patrons in mind...

No comments: