Saturday, April 28, 2007

it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood

I’m going to whine for a moment about my head~i try hard not to dwell on it, believe it or not, but sometimes it just really gets to me. I have had a tremendously evil migraine pretty much continuously now for about two and ½ weeks straight~well actually, i did have one day of a break but that’s all~do i really need to tell you how much that sucks?

Not only do i have this damn chronic daily headache thing which is a total pain in the head, to say the least, then comes this big, sharp, jabbing, stabbing, indescribable pain that just won't let up. And then the nausea ~like seasickness on dry land, vertigo, hallucinations (smells, sound, and light) and dry heaves. And when its really bad, light causes pain, and sound causes pain, and moving causes pain, and all i can do is lie there and try to think of something other than pain.

And people ask, "isn't there anything you can take?" Well no, not really~because you can only take pain relievers or migraine meds two to three times per weeks then your into rebound headaches~and if it doesn't work that first time then i might as well give up, because i know it won't do any good. And i feel like if i grin and bear it and drag myself to work because i have to, because i can't afford to loose my job ,and i don't have any sick days left then people don't believe it can really be that bad, and they ask "how can you stand it?" or "how can you can on?" when really, how can i not? what choice do i have?...oh poor, poor me, wah, wah, wah...

But i do have a new neuro, and we are going through a new round of trials so maybe... (yeah maybe, after thirteen years of trying this i still have some hope... i have to) I just keep thinking haven't i yet learned what i'm supposed to learn from this???

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