memories of forever

So
pieces of you came back.
And they're just pieces.
broken pieces.

Somehow fate crashes in again

that you would call
now
My life is no different now
but it feels so different

We have nothing to say
to each other
now

You don't know who i am
i don't know who you are
Who you used to be
and it doesn't matter
Really

Why does it hurt so much?

Will it always?

what's going on?

I've been a bad, bad girl (well not really--but i have not been keeping up with this blog or anything or anyone else really) can't really say for sure what i've been doing, other than migraining--being in pain--and dragging myself to work--when possible. I've been reading some, watching movies--and i have a number of drafts started, i'm sure those will pop up here and there--not that it matters if anyone IS reading this but i like to have a record of what i've read for my own sake.

ANYWAY... what do you say when someone asks YOU what's going on, how you are?

Life goes on...and on...and on...

whether you're paying any attention or not... and it seems that i've not been

so i'm here

in a way

and apparently people have noticed that i've not been (here) because they've said--you' haven't written in your blog for over a month--i know, i know.... but what to say, what to say?

By the by, i was at a book talk given by Mary Doria Russell--great author by the by--highly recommended--and she was talking about one of the differences between Americans and Italians (in reference to her book A Thread of Grace) was that when you ask an American how they're doing we always say fine and when you ask the Italians they'll tell you--well i'll almost always tell you too--that is

if i know how to.

So that's all i have to say for the moment--how about you?

think economics is boring? think again, and again, and again, and again...

I picked up The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcom Gladwell after reading an argument in Book Club between Mel and Colleen about Freakonomics and The Tipping Point (can i be any more self-referential?) since i had really liked Freakonomics i decided to read The Tipping Point.

I didn't find Gladwell's ideas to be quite as new and thought-provoking as Levitt's nor did i find them to be quite as opposed to Levitt's as the Unshelved strip would have you believe. I did find The Tipping Point to be very interesting however and would highly recommend it along with Freakonomics as they both provide their own food for thought and make nice counter-points for one another.

my forever love (or what once was believed to be so)

i'm losing pieces of you
i can't remember
the name of your arrogant friend,
or that guy we dropped acid with, or
Brock's real name, or Bailey's last
name, or even {Kelby}~the only one i really jived with~
other things i'm losing i can't even
remember because
they're lost
i miss what i can't remember
i fought so hard to hang on to
what we had
to hold on to the
pain of losing you
and now i am letting go
and i don't want
to let go
and i can't stop

maybe it's those nanos eating my brain...

Pretties by Scott Westerfield FINALLY came in to the library for me (the sequel to Uglies that i have been waiting for FOREVER) so, the for the last two nights i have been reading that, and Specials (the final book in the trilogy), and, i have to say, they are pretty damn good!

They continue the story of Tally, who lives in a society about three hundred years after a human spread bacterial plague has destroyed the oil supply, and thus human civilization as we know it. Tally's society is very controlled, and at sixteen all citizens undergo plastic surgery to become "pretty" so that no one has to undergo the trauma of being ugly--or of looking TOO different (unbeknownst to many citizens the surgery also inflicts lesions on their brains which makes them much more affable, happy, and overall, not so smart, basically "pretty-headed".

Of course there is a rebellion going on~(isn't there always a rebellion going on~doesn't there almost have to be a rebellion going on?) to escape civilization, get back to basics, take the pill that "cures" the surgery (also has nanos that eat away your brain causing stupidity and migraines...hmm. . . this is what gives me cause to wonder . . . perhaps something to ask the neurologist about...perhaps not) anyway...

i don't want to give away TOO much but they are some pretty good books (ha, ha, ha,) and they have the added bonus of introducing you to a brand new vocabulary (and i just love new vocab words, like don't i look ICY {from Specials} in this oh-so-old photo)? -->

so check this trilogy out if you feel so inclined...

Excesses of youth

been wanting to disappear, liquify,
watching Havoc and wanting to do the whole youth thing all over again so i can waste it all over again–wanting to liquify
because it feels so good
to feel so bad
so dangerous
in your stomach
the drugs
that mess up your head
instead of just having your head messed up
now i just swim and drown in my dreams
and i can’t find my way
nightmares
i want to live them again
so tired of this life

i can almost taste it now...

For a couple of years i lived about 1/2 a block away from the world famous Zingerman's Delicatessen in Ann Arbor, Michigan (coincidentally but entirely unrelated there is also the world famous Michigan Head Pain & Neurological Institute located in Ann Arbor and it was while i was living in Ann Arbor that my then under-control migraines became chronic and intractable--so much so that i did not qualify for a study at said clinic--interesting, huh?) Anyway, this was at one of the poorer points of my life (not that i have ever been rolling in the funds, mind you) heading down to Zing's for a sandwich and/or desert and coffee/mocha was a real treat. They also housed a great market with many exotic goods (usually a bit expensive for my tastes) tho they did make great bread. If you're ever in Ann Arbor (or the Detroit area for that matter) you must stop by Zingerman's. The Ann Arbor area boast some great restaurants in general in case your wondering--i really miss it (i have really been obsessing about food lately since my diet has become so restricted--funny how that happens.)

As an outlet for my obsession i have been trying to come up with new ways to work with the foods i can eat--and come up with new varieties of those foods. Luckily i haven't to look much further than my own bookshelves--i have a plethora many still packed but many not. One unpacked is a Zingerman's guide, if you aspire to be any kind of connoisseur this is a great book to have: Zingerman's guide to good eating: how to choose the best bread, cheeses, olive oil, pasta, chocolate, and much more by Ari Weinzweig. "It's got solid research on topics like what makes one rice different than another, or how good vinegar

is made. (There are recipes, too, but the info takes precedence.)" Pick it up, read it, learn it, live it--or not, whatever...

"stories are light"

I think i have a new favorite kids' author in Kate Dicamillo. I just read her Newberry Award winning The Tale of Despereaux (being the story of a mouse, a princess, some soup, and a spool of thread) and i loved it! Now i don't always go along with all Newberry picks put i was recommended this book by a friend and i loved The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane as i have already confessed. So i lost myself to yet another juvenile fiction title and i am so glad i did.

This is tale models itself after classical fairy tales but it definitely has a taste of modern sensibilities. It is about an unlikely hero--a mouse with excessively large ears--who dreams of being a knight. I like the fact that Dicamillo addresses the reader as an active participant in the story. Read Despereaux--i think you'll be you'll be glad you did. (not that i would want to tell you what to do or anything--just a suggestion :)

political intrigue, trickery, treachery, betrayal, religion, war, magic, romance & slime; who could ask for anything more?

Elantris by Brandon Sanderson is an epic fantasy wrapped up in a nice little 615 page package. Now i'm not a big fan of fantasy but i did enjoy this one:

"Elantris was beautiful once. It was called the city of the gods: a place of power, radiance, and magic. Visitors say that the very stones glowed with an inner light, and that the city contained wondrous arcane marvels. At night, Elantris shone like a great silvery fire, visible even from a great distance.

Yet, as magnificent as Elantris was, its inhabitants were more so . Their hair a brilliant white, their skin an almost metallic silver, the Elantrians seemed to shine like the city itself. Legends claim that they were immortal, or at least nearly so. Their bodies healed quickly, and they were blessed with great strength, insight, and speed. They could perform miracles with a bare wave of the hand; men visited Elantris from all across Opelon to receive Elantrian healings, food, or wisdom. They were divinities.

And anyone could become one.

The Shaod, it was called. The Transformation. It struck randomly--usually at night, during the mysterious hours when life slowed to rest. The Shaod could take beggar, craftsman, nobleman, or warrior. When it came, the fortunate person's life ended and began anew; he would discard his old mundane existence, and move to Elantris.
Elantris, where he could live in bliss, rule in wisdom, and be worshiped for Eternity.

Eternity ended ten years ago."

~prologue.

I pasted the prologue here because i believe, besides being so well written, that it is all you really need to get you interested in reading this novel (if you are to be interested). Many of the rave reviews on Amazon say that Elantris avoid many of the cliches of the genre--not being a fantasy aficionado i wouldn't know--but i do know that it doesn't drag; has very strong characterizations and keeps track of its plot line--good enough for me!

perhaps it's better to rampage?

I was not able to sleep at all last night. Had an 8:00 am meeting this morning. Needless to say i am tired. It's probably also needless to say i have a migraine. It has been a VERY long day. The minutes are growing even longer. I am alone at the reference desk. Not much going on. Kind of slumped over, my head rested in my hand, elbow on the desk (image of the perfect reference librarian right?) There's a twelve year old whose been waiting for his mom for an hour now; he's looking for scary movies, he searches the titles on our shelves, when he can't find what he's looking for there he comes and asks me if we have the same title in (everything we have is on the shelf) i try to remain patient--my nerves are fraying.

A barefooted little girl is gleefully running through the stacks. I hear her giggles and see her pop out each time she reaches the end of an aisle. She is having a grand old time. After a while i detachedly observe that this is inappropriate behaviour for a library. After a while longer it slowly dawns on me that I should be the one to do something about it. I drag myself out of my seat and slowly amble over to the aisle she is about to turn down, i lean myself against the bookcase and wait as she comes charging toward me.

"Hi," i greet her, cheerfully.

"Hi" she says, delighted with the possibility of a new friend.

"Do you have shoes?" i inquire, liltingly.

"yeah," a few clouds of confusion beginning to cross her face.

"Well, you should probably wear your shoes while you are in the library." i struggle to keep the brightness and the lightness in my voice.

"oh"

"And you really shouldn't run while you're in the library"

At this point the cute little girl's face crinkles up into such a look, and i can just see her thinking, "you're not a very nice lady, it seemed like you were going to be nice, when you were just out to spoil my fun all along!"

I almost feel bad.

But she does stop running.

But i think MAYBE playing the stereotypical, mean-old-shushing-NO-NO-NO-spinster librarian might be the better approach after all. At least then the kids know what they're getting.

people in glass houses...

Our Internet computers have not been running smoothly of late to say the least--frankly they've been an absolute nightmare--we have to reboot the server and the computers about five times per day (not that it helps much). Today, this teenaged girl came up to the desk and complained that the computer was saying that her password was invalid. I was ready for another big problem and i start the regular flowchart of questions. I asked her the next logical question which was if she was sure she was putting in the correct password. She responded with a massive sigh and a giant eyeroll and a look on her face that let me know that i was so incredibly stupid she could not believe she was wasting HER PRECIOUS time with me. In an exasperated, patronizing tone of voice she spews "The computer WON'T LET me put in a password, it won't LET me TYPE anything!"

"Well if it won't let you put in you password how can it be telling you your pass word is wrong?" seems like a reasonable question to me (but of course i am an IDIOT) So i get up and follow her as she stamps to her computer which she promptly stands beside, waiting for me to magically fix whatever the problem may be. "Well are we both going to stand here and watch the computer do nothing, or are you going to insert your card and show me what the problem is?" i ask (strangely enough i am not in the best of moods at this point--being treated rudely does not always make me want to cheerfully deliver)

She slumps into the chair, shoves her card into the slot, and starts pounding on the keyboard--surely enough her numerical password does not enter in. I lean over her shoulder and point to the NUM LOCK light, softly saying "Do you see this little NUM LOCK light? If this light isn't on isn't on the NUM LOCK key is not on and your numerical keyboard will not work, you can either turn this on (like this) or use the regular keyboard." Needless to say that particular issue was solved and i went back to my little reference desk. Moral for this story (and oh so many others.) Before you insult the intelligence of others you really should be sure that you operating from a place of brilliance yourself.

don't it make you feel good?

working at the reference desk tonight

alone

(of course)

two women come up and ask for a list of area N.A. meetings which i promptly print up for them.

They thank me and i say "No problem" (with a smile--naturally)

And i hear them exclaim (well not really exclaim but it just seems to fit here--almost like a Clement Moore poem) as they walk out the door,

"Aren't libraries wonderful?"

"Yes, they really are, you can just go in and get exactly what you want, just like that. We should come here more often."

...you know they really should.

"how can a story end happily if there is no love?"

Somehow i seem to be reading more juvenile literature of late than i usually do--not that i'm complaining, mind you, because i'm quite enjoying it. My latest discovery (highly recommended by my co-librarians) was The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo and illustrated by Bagram Ibatoulline.

It is the story of a beautiful china rabbit (with real rabbit fur for his ears and tail). He was always dressed in only the best of clothes and he was highly enamoured of himself. He is also loved and owned by ten-year old Abilene who took very good care of him.

I'm sure you've guessed by now that change is coming for Edward--he is separated from his dear mistress and tho i'm not sure his could be called a hero's journey he does learn the lessons he most needs to learn and it is a truly beautiful story--quite moving really--colour me impressed.

Now this is one of those books that i must own for myself as it is a beautiful tale (wasn't i just talking about how i need to stop buying books)--oh well some things just MUST be HAD--highly, highly recommended.

in case you needed to be told...

This morning (after being awakened by an amazing rainstorm--and the cats telling me that i had better get out of bed RIGHT NOW and do something about whatever was happening outside) i finished reading The Little Guide to Your Well-Read Life by Steve Leveen.

Leveen gives basic tips like making a list of books that you want to read (what he calls your "List of Candidates") buy them (he suggests)--preferably in hardcover-- (instead of checking them out from them out from the library--advice i REALLY DON"T NEED TO HEAR--thank you very much)--his philosophy seems to be: BUY, BUY, BUY--buy those books you read in the past that you liked as well as those you MIGHT read in the future-- so that you can always have them at hand whenever you are in the mood for reading; take time to ponder a book after you're done with it (now THAT IS good advice--as is his suggestion that you take advantage of your librarian's vast and helpful knowledge in Reader's Advisory Service;); listen to books on audio; join a reading group; and don't waste your time on books that don't grab your interest.

My opinion? Don't waste your time on this one. Although i did get a FEW ideas for new books i want to read--but of course ALL books curse me with that!

good side, bad side you know i've had my share...

I just finished reading the young adult novel Uglies by Scott Westerfeld. It reminded me of Logan's Run (a great movie if you've never seen it--although it always makes me shudder a little to remember that when my dad took me to see it at age eleven or twelve i thought "oh, thirty wouldn't be such a bad age to die, you would have lived a full life by then...) and also of a couple of old Twilight Zone episodes Eye of the Beholder (this episode was remade with Molly Sims); and Number Twelve Looks Just Like You . Anyway, Uglies is the first in a dystopian trilogy--and believe me--though the story was complete enough in itself it does end in one of those most annoying (not-really-a-cliff-hanger-but-i-really-need-to-read-the-next-book-and-i'm-so-frustrated-waiting-for-my-library-hold-to-come-in-that-i-might-just-have-to-go-buy-the-damn-book) endings. (grrr)

Tally lives in a future world where everyone has an operation at sixteen in order to make them "pretty"--or look more like everyone else--more biologically desirable--so that people no longer have to deal with the misfortune of being ugly, asymmetrical, or less than. She then discovers that there are some who wish not to turn pretty. Can you imagine?

Fast paced, interesting, intriguing, and thought-provoking.

did they actually want people to see this film?

I was looking for something diversionary to try and keep my mind off my migraine last night, and settled on The Exorcism of Emily Rose which i found quite interesting although i would not consider it a horror film in direct contradiction to all the promotional material i had seen for it.

What it turned out to be was a courtroom drama in which they were trying the priest who had performed the exorcism for negligent manslaughter because he had failed to provide proper medical care for medical Emily (even though he was not a medical professional) .

The movie is based on the true story of Anneliese Michel, a twenty-four-year-old German woman. In the Michel case the young women was on psychiatric medication the entire time she was under the priests care, and the catholic church finally did approve an exorcism (there were weekly exorcism sessions over almost a year's time). In the end there were two priests and both parents charged with negligent homicide and they were found guilty and given harsher sentences than recommended by the prosecution, a symptom/symbol of the German secularism of the times.

Anyway--see the movie--it's very interesting--though not marketed well.

roads less traveled (perhaps a little too lightly tread?)

Believe it or not i do like to travel. The problem is getting me out of the house (i have the same problem with going to the gym--i like it once i'm there--getting there is the problem ) and the older i get the more housebound it seems i become, but get me out of the house and i am up for just about anything--Really. I've been known to go out with a friend for a case of beer and not come back for two days (okay so we got a LITTLE sidetracked, and that was quite a few years ago and i do have a few more responsibilities now, but you get the picture) What i like most is the spontaneous trip, meeting new people, doing new unusual things and i'm not TOO big on the standard touristy things--especially shopping--which i hate under normal circumstances--though i often pick up a souvenir or two for the memoir factor. In the meantime i like to read the odd travel memoir and do my bit as the armchair traveler.
Roads Less Traveled: Dispatches from the Ends of the Earth by Catherine Watson seemed to fit my usual woman traveler bill. Overall its a fairly good collection although i couldn't make much sense of its organization (if there was sense to be made of it). Watson seemed to travel many places but i didn't get a real sense of who she was or how the places she visited shaped her--although in some of the pieces i got just the tiniest taste of it. Maybe this was because she is a travel writer for a newspaper, maybe it is just her style, i don't know, but it felt like just so much surface (maybe it was just supposed to be dispatches?) the other problem i had was that i felt like whenever she was describing "native" peoples they were always "happy smiling faces" who were just ever so overjoyed to see an American, now maybe that really was her experience, but it felt just a little politicized to me. Now this was an enjoyable read--but it did not make me feel like i was there, nor did i feel enlightened afterwards like i prefer my armchair traveling to be. (The pieces i did like were: Mexico City: Taking the Cure; Malta: Hunting the Falcon; Machu Picchu: Reunion in the Andes; Alaska: No Place Like Nome (just because i grew up in Anchorage); Germany: Glass as Good as Gold; Antarctica: the White Continent; Egypt: Kingdom of the Dead; England: Great Expectations; Russia: After the Fall (always wanted to go to Russian--even more so the USSR); and Kilimanjaro: to the Top of Africa (i am really obsessed with mountain climbing books--don't ask me why).

Other books i would recommend: Unsuitable for Ladies: an anthology of women travelers edited by Jane Robinson; More Women Travel edited by Natania Jansz; and Gutsy Women: Travel Tips and Wisdom for the Road by Marybeth Bond.

hearing laughter in the library?

Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum have come out with their fourth collection of the Unshelved webcomic Book Club (which covers February 16, 2005 through February 19, 2006 for those of you keeping track). If you are not familiar with this series, it is absolutely required reading for any public libraries, recommended reading for anyone in public service, but i believe everyone should be able to appreciate the humor of the situation--a surprisingly accurate depiction of life in a public library.

This issue has the added fun of "Book Club" (of course--given the title) which offers--short illustrated recommendations/summaries/whatever of a number of different titles. And this Whedon fan would be remiss if she did not mention the scattered references to Serenity and even an obscure one to Vampire Willow as well as Drucilla which makes me love the authors all the more and convinces me i AM in the RIGHT profession (tee hee.)

Also check out the other titles in the series: Unshelved; What Would Dewey Do?; and Library Mascot Cage Match.

chronic babes unite

Just found a new site for we women LIVING with (stress that's living with not suffering with) chronic illness: called chronicbabe.com.

"If you’re living with a chronic illness and trying to balance healthy living and—whoa—fun, then you're DEFINITELY in the right place. If you're sick of reading depressing, clinical dissertations on disease, then you're going to feel right at home. If you're hunting for creative approaches to life, come on in. This online community is for babes (who just happen to be chronic)"

I'm not sure i still fit into the babe category at my advanced age but i like to think so--anyway--check it out...

welcome to the world of mind expanding books...

I admit, i'm excessively late to this party but i just read Philip Pullman's His Dark Material's Trilogy (The Golden Compass; The Subtle Knife; and The Amber Spyglass) and i absolutely loved it! (the non-conformist in me does like that it never quite reached Harrymania status--continuing the party metaphor i think if Dark Materials had been at one of the house parties i went to back in college it would have been in the kitchen "and all the best people/parties were/happened/wound up in the kitchen (maybe that was just me or that crazy Theatre crowd) but i usually wound up in the kitchen, or in other rooms... whole other subject...)

I really liked the first book because it was self-contained. It's just the slightest bit annoying, sometimes, when serial books leave you hanging on those cliffs; and also when books full of action and multiple characters keep switching scenes--when you are just dying to know what is happening in one particular place to one particular character. Still i am not sure i can rave enough about this trilogy, and even though it seems to have picked up numerous accolades in its homeland it doesn't seemed to have garnered quite as much attention here as the ubiquitous Harry, perhaps that's a good thing because i'm sure there are a few people who could find quite a bit to object to in these books.

You won't find these objections here, however, i think Pullman is quite genius in his work and obviously well-versed in biblical as well as Victorian verse. He tells a marvelous yarn of epic proportions and keeps it going oh so well--gives the reader so much to think about. I highly recommend this trilogy.