Do antidepressants really warrant a black box warning?

okay, here goes {something}

The increased risk of suicide with antidepressant use really is not a new phenomena, nor does it need, in my ever so humble opinion, a rash of new warnings issued but a basic understanding of depressive illness, neurochemistry, antidepressants, and the impulsive drive of suicide. Responsible psychiatrists have always known about the increased risk of suicide when they begin pharmaceutical treatment of depressed patients, that is one of the reasons they begin treatment with limited amounts of medication (the eternal conundrum being that they are putting a lethal drug into the hands of a potentially suicidal patient) and why they continue to monitor the patient.

People who understand the nature of the suicidal impulses and attempts will also tell you that it is when the patient begins to feel better that he/she is most at risk for suicidal behavior (one of the telltale signs that is often missed by friends and loved ones when they say "Oh, but they were doing so much better..." as an indication that it must have been foul play to blame rather than suicide. And for an excellent discussion of suicide please check out Night Falls Fast by Kay Redfield Jamison.

Perhaps the biggest problem we are currently facing with the antidepressant crisis is that these medications are being prescribed in greater and greater numbers, to greater and greater populations, and by physicians and other medical professionals who have not always been trained specifically in the psychiatric, psychological, or (sometimes even) neurological sciences .

There is, of course, the question of the action of these types of medication on children as opposed to adults, which much of the current news focus is on although recently it has also moved to the young adult population (18-24), and this is always a concern; but again we need to look at the nature of suicide ideation.

Suicide is almost always impulsive act. I can say with absolute certainty that is why i have never fallen prey to it. I am not an impulsive person. If i were i would be dead. If i were capable of suicide i would be dead. It is something i have considered many times in my life (much more often since the onset of the chronic migraines) and the considered contemplation of it is what keeps ME from it (individual results may vary). There are many reasons for this which i won't go into to here, i've said enough, but i've read enough and felt enough to understand the inclination (and in no way do i want to minimize Anything here including the loss and anger you feel when someone chooses to leave you in this way~i've known that as well).

I've also tried my fair share of antidepressants (though i fought it and fought it as a treatment for depression~i somehow believed it would take away that part of me that was me~antidepressants are one of the prophylactics for migraines and i'll do ANYTHING to combat those~and i do know that one type i tried as an adolescent effected me completely differently when i tried it as an adult). Some of them had me a walking zombie, some of them did give me that almost manic feeling when i began their course. Anyway, the point i was starting to make, is that children and young adults are not well known for their impulse control (and if you fall into that category don't jump all over me for judging YOU here, i'm not talking about you as an individual, YOU may very well have excellent impulse control~but as a general age group that cognitive development is still happening [and new research into the frontal lobe is discovering that judgmental skills are still developing up into the late twenties]. So what we are left with is a medical profession that really should be putting more thought, skill, experience, and follow-through into its prescribing practices as well as patient/consumer/parents putting more thought, self-education, and responsibility into their pill-popping (or not) habits rather than trying to fill up the label with warnings.

i mean i'd really like just a little less FDA in MY life

seems like the right time of year...

…for picture books that remind me of my childhood in Alaska (somehow it’s so nice to sit cozily inside and read cold books and nostaligize)

Now there are so many reasons why i love The Polar Bear Son: an Inuit Tale retold and illustrated by Lydia Dabcovich (who would have thought polar bears would make for such a nice little tale about adoption for an adopted child like moi?) It tells the tale of an old woman living alone on the edge of an Inuit village with no family who finds an abandoned polar bear cub who she takes home and raises it as her son. The young bear plays with the children of the village, then grows into a hunter and fisher who provides for the woman who then shares with the other villagers. The men of the village grow jealous of the bears prowess and threaten to kill him so the woman must send him away but when she grows lonely she goes out on the ice and calls to him and they visit. This book is based on an old Inuit legend called Kunikdjuaq and it is beautifully illustrated. I love these old legends not only because i am a lover of folklore but also because i had an Eskimo foster sister who lived with us during the school year (she was deaf and needed to attend a special school in Anchorage) and then return to her village the rest of the year. Through Nina, i feel a connection to these native peoples.

Up on Denali: Alaska’s Wild Mountain by Shelley Gill tells us about a mountain:

"a mountain in the heart of Alaska...that rises so high it creates its own weather. It is one of the coldest mountains on planet earth. This mountain has many names: McKinley, Denali, the Big One, the High One, and simply, the Mountain...This is a wild mountain: one face a paradise, the other face lifeless, locked in deadly ice."

This is the mountain of my childhood. This book evokes my childhood. I remember it was always there, so was the sleeping lady, the zig~zag trail, the miners field where we would look for gold, where thousands had looked before us. As i read now about the Athabascan Indians creation story of Raven Trickster Man; about prehistoric animals; berries and poppies; lynx and moose; all on an ever-growing moment i relive what, to me, was beautiful. This book has much to teach; for me it has much to hold. "Above the wings of the raven the only view is heaven."

"The night Sky held its breath. Only a few flakes of snow tumbled through the darkness."" Thus begins North Country Christmas (Last Wilderness Adventure) by Shelley Gill (illustrated by Shannon Cartwright). Sam and Ellie are left home with the race dogs while their Aunt Susan is stuck in town. An old Man named Nick comes to the door needing the help of the dog sled team as his herd of reindeer is to tired to pull his sleigh. Ellie and Sam, left responsible for the dog team insist on going along for the ride to Kikuyat to deliver food for the body as well as the spirit (beautiful glass crystals hung from silk called saviguks after a word meaning 'ice crystals floating in the air'). Nicely done.

The Alaska Mother Goose and other country nursery rhymes (Last Wilderness Adventure) by Shelley Gill uses the animals, flora, and fauna of Alaska in the place of the familiar nursery rhymes in an attempt to introduce them to children. Some of these attempts are more successful than others, the illustrations by Shannon Cartwright are an added bonus. I did find some of the rhymes nice and i do read it to my niece and nephews, it is refreshing but not the best.

I'm sure that you would never guess that Alaska’s Three Bears (Last Wilderness Adventure) by Shelley Gill is a twist on the story of Goldilocks and the three bears; but that familiar setting makes an absolutely beautiful wrapper for the introduction of the three North American species of bear: the big white bear (polar bear); medium sized brown bear (grizzly); and the small black bear. Gill skillfully blends the familiar language of the fairy tale with the nature of the bears to tell children about their habits and and habitats (there is further information included in banners across the bottom of the pages.) Shannon Cartwright's illustrations are entirely appropriate (often including native woodcut styles or totem pole borders), a teacher resource guide is included.

The Great Serum Race: blazing the Iditarod Trail by Debbie S. Miller illustrated by Jon Van Zyle is an historic tale with the taste of adventure. In the the deepest winter of January 1925, a deadly diphtheria epidemic hit Nome, Alaska (Nome always reminds me of the time we were seeing my dad off~or maybe welcoming him home i can never remember~to/From Nome at the airport when some stupid impulse compelled my four year old mind to stick my tongue to that oh-so-refreshing-looking pole~yes i REALLY did~and though i was very young at the time it was one of those indelible memories i will Never, Ever forget). The town desperately needed an antitoxin serum from Anchorage and the only way to get it through the winter snow and ice was by sled team. This beautiful picture book tells that story.

Debbie S. Miller and Jon Van Zyle again team up to tell the the tale of a pregnant polar bear who travels across the shore of the Beaufort Sea to reach a cave to birth her cubs in A Polar Bear Journey . Once the cubs are born they are all fluffy and cute as polar bears are so often portrayed (and i do so love those cute little polar bears~but it does beg the question with wild animals and children's books~are we really doing good by portraying them as such (even the little ones that are fluffy and small and cute that are an important part of the ecosystem and shouldn't really be domesticated???) Anyway...Zyle does do a fair job of presenting the adult bear as predator, hunter, fierce and large (and if you've ever seen that polar bear looming at the Anchorage Airport Cute will be wiped from your mind mighty fast) and this is an education, enlightening, enjoyable read...

Disappearing Lake: Nature's Magic in Denali's National Park is based on Debbie Miller's observations during her family's annual spring visits to Disappearing Lake, one of the many vernal lakes (temporary water systems created by rainwater or by snow melting in the spring) in Denali. This beautiful book begins: "In a wooded valley, the snow begins to melt. Sparkling beads of water trickle together, growing into rivulets, brooks and streams. They speak to you in the language of water." and continues its exploration of this fascinating ecosystem. Although John Van Zyle does remember to include the very lovely forget-me-nots (my very favorite flower for those of you keeping track at home) in his illustration of the meadow Miller neglects to include them in her field notes, other than that, this an extremely worthwhile read.

On the dedication page of River of Life author Debbie S. Miller thanks illustrator Jon Van Zyle for turning simple words into extraordinary pictures, and Van zyle counters by saying that the images that Miller's words create flow easily from his brush. He thanks her for her "Fact Stories" of our natural world. Cute little mutual admiration society they have going there, and though i actually agree with the sentiments expressed this book is my least favorite of their collaborations i've so far seen. It's still a good introduction to the life along one of Alaska's more than 3,000 rivers.

I discovered the gorgeous book Arctic Lights, Arctic Nights while weeding the 500s and it is what got me started on this whole nostalgia trip to begin with, i believe it is probably one of the best examples of what the teaming of Debbie Miller's writing with Jon Van Zyle's painting can really accomplish. Arctic Lights, Arctic Nights takes us through the seasons (based on the average temperage and light in Fairbanks) of the year in Alaska, beginning with the Summer solstice on June 21 with Sunrise at 1:58 a.m. and Sunset at 11:46 p.m (average temperature 52°F-72° F). People often ask me about those "endless" days, questions like, was it hard to sleep, how terrible it must have for it to be dark so long in winter, blah, blah, blah; but i don't really remember it like that. Maybe i remember loving to play in the daylight in the summer, taking forever to crunch through the snow walking home through the cold and the dark (maybe i don't memories can be very suggestive you know). But mostly everything was just the way it was, i was a kid and we had moved from Santa Barbara when i was two so Alaska was really all i knew~it was normality to me~just like when Mom and Dad plugged their cars in at night to keep the engines from freezing i thought they were charging them up so they would go the next day~made sense to me~and didn't Everyone, Everywhere do it that way (did i never notice we didn't do that in the summertime?)

Meanwhile, back in Arctic Lights, Arctic Nights, at Winter solstice (tonight, December 21 as a matter of fact~Sunrise 10:58 a.m, Sunset 2:41p.m average temperature -12°F to 6° F), Miller describes the top of the world as tipping away from the sun. "The nights are long, and the cold runs deep. During the shortest day of the year, a family bundles up and watches nature's holiday celebration. The magical northern lights dance and swirl across the clear,icy sky." She defines words like alpenglow, blinks, diamond dust, fall equinox, flat light. midnight sun, northern lights, sparkles, summer solstice, sun dogs, twilight, vernal equinox, and winter solstice in exquisite detail for those who may be geographically deprived by living in the more southerly climes. Zyle's sublime illustrations make me long for the many-varied colours and emotions of my childhood.

and sorry~but, i just gotta say it here Danger the Dog Yard Cat (Discoveries in Palaeontology) by Libby Riddles (with Shelley Gill) is Cute

with words that sound like song lyrics (and i think they just might have been written to be)

There once was a cat of questionable background,

who had done hard time in the Nome dog pound.

Danger was a cool cat, some say a fool cat,

a mean, lean break-all-the-rules cat.

The woman who saved him was a sled dog racer.

She introduced 57 huskies to the cool mouse-chaser.

Scattered among Shannon Cartwright's other winsome illustrations are various prehistoric creatures and there is mention of Danger imagining himself as a saber-tooth tiger but that is the only connection i am making with the palaeontology of the title (although it isn't included on my copy). The story itself is a little weak, but like i said it's a song (and there are more lyrics at the end) apparently about a real cat, and the book is cute (you know, cats, i'm weak, what can i say...)

So with visions of mountains and polar bears and Inuit villages and happy childhoods (that perhaps are misremembered~or at least conveniently edited, but, oh well) dancing in my head, i can curl up in my warm home with my kitties and

Reminisce...
Happy Yule and Blessed Be )O(

am i missing something here...

or have we suddenly developed a New focus on illegal drugs? New war on drugs? Sunday VH1 was broadcasting a number of hours of the series The Drug Years, tonight the history channel is doing a number of hours of its series Hooked: Illegal Drugs is this just co-incidental?
When Dr. Albert Hoffman first tried LSD he was trying to find a treatment for migraines? Did i hear that right? I'm not paying that much attention to the TV, sitting here, working on the computer, in my usual TV "watching" mode but that set me off on an Internet search (as well as hitting record on the DVR). This is one of the many things i found (courtesy of clusterbusters)

"LSD was used as a clinical treatment for migraine, albeit for a short period of time, before bad publicity over its recreational side effects brought about its removal. It was, however, an extremely effective treatment, far more so then either methysergide or ergotamine. Unlike its siblings, LSD was able to function at very small (sub-hallucinogenic) doses. A single dose was also sufficient to provide long term relief, often counted in months"

Hearing that Almost makes me want to go back on that resolution i made (felt i had to make) after my last trip (years and years ago) to never try acid again (i won't go into details about that one, it had nothing to do with the perceived psychological affects, but with the perceived physical affects which actually lasted for months and months~it is all so very interesting the places your mind takes you) and i really can't imagine it as a cure for migraines, not at all...

Then again Francis Crick, credited as being one of the co-discoverers of the structure of DNA was supposedly experimenting with small doses of LSD when he first visualized the double helix but Crick himself denied this (even threatening to sue anyone who would say such a thing). Crick also was interested and did quite a bit of work in Neuroscience, a very personal interest of mine (even BEFORE The Migraine began to run my life.)

So, see, how life really is circular after all?

(that's the great mother goddess at work guys;)

help, i'm trapped in a library

with many minions of rambunctious, reveling, hormonally-raging teenagers (is it the season that over-excites them so much more than normal~which is quite enough in itself?) . I remember being that age and wanting nothing more than to escape them, and dreaming of a time when i would never have to be around them anymore (i expressly didn't teach for JUST this reason) and now here i am, raging, pounding, screaming, ice-picking migraine with no escape in sight...

sometimes, they'll come up to the reference desk, armed with nothing more than mumbled nouns:

"pencil", "computer", "digimon", "glue", "marker", "scissors", "phone"

"Is there something that you wanted to ask me? (perhaps something that you wanted of me?)"

"Could you possibly wrap a sentence around that (do you know any verbs, modifiers, pronouns~or even how to modulate your voice so it sounds like you might be asking a question rather than making a demand)?" (forget polite...magic words just draw blank stares)

Does anyone have a reference question for this so-called reference librarian?

okay, i feel the grumpy creeping in and the Comet slipping away, somebody save me,

PLEASE...

Maybe i should just save myself with a little Christmas Cheer.

Now back to your regularly scheduled chaos...

how quickly we forget

driving home from work tonight, cruising down the freeway, Kim Wilde's You Keep Me Hangin' On starts pumping through the speakers (now, on my way to work i had been responsibly listening to NPR like any reasonable and past-her-club-kid-days adult would be~i'm not sure how that ipod found its way into car play...hmmm...) and before i know it, the volume has suddenly and amazingly turned itself up full blast, my body has thrown itself into its car-dancing thing, and i seem to be belting out the lyrics, through no fault of my own~hey, taking no responsibility for one's own actions seems to be the Modern American Way of Life does it not? i'm just following suit~when it suddenly occurs to me: "This can be a dangerous song," (and me without my seat belt~not sure how that happened but it did~i'm admitting it~every once in a while i forget)

So i contemplate that thought for about...

well, less than a second, hit the replay button, and then i continue on my very merry way with reckless (and, dare i add) youthful abandon.

Next up, ipod offers Salt-N-Pepa which seems to perfectly go with my flow, though the cats seem just a wee bit frightened when i come bopping in the front door, blasting It Ain't None of Your Business, loudly making like a rap star in their little feline faces. But it Really does not hurt to remind them that I AM The Mistress of the House ~if only in name, every now and again.

Nor does it hurt to relive (flashback to) our reckless, impetuous, youthful days of vice and abuse and misled beliefs that we were immortal, every now and again while we can (hopefully) still live through it, RIGHT?

stop me before i quiz again

How Will I Die Quiz You will die at the age of 88 You will be killed by assassins when they mistake you for someone famous Find out how you will die at Quizopolis.com

there, now, that's a Bit more my style...

...but shouldn't that read "some OTHER famous person"???

just for the jolly of it...

don't know if this is really true of me, but for what it's worth (being happy ALL of the time, seems like a bit of a burden)...

Which of Santa's Reindeer are you? Comet Like Comet you are always happy. Nothing seems to get you down and you can always put a smile on people's faces Find out which of Santa's Reindeer you are at Quizopolis.com

and thanks emily for the link

dear diary

Did you ever keep (or, as in my case, try to keep—actually make that start to keep) a diary? Here's this web blog thing~this is sort of like a diary except for the idea that a diary is supposed to be private and (in theory) there are people who might be reading your blog. Can you imagine writing in your diary and then having people comment on it and the fact that you willingly do it (does that make you an exhibitionist)? I've always been a bit of an exhibitionist to a certain extent~but only in certain circumstances...
I only like to act in front of strangers (or large audiences which MIGHT include family and friends) i always felt odd rehearsing in front of family or friends (and of course acting is pretending to be someone else~you might be quite surprised to learn how many actors fear public speaking or other forms of being themselves in front of others). At the same time i use to practice in my room for the day i would be interviewed (for whatever reason i had become famous or infamous) for my life story or daily comings and goings.
I only like to have my work (writing) read by people who don't know me well. Workshopping classes were no problem but i had problems with friends and others reading my work (and i was once traumatized the only time i let a boyfriend read my poetry and he left my apartment without saying a word) we never did talk about that...

So somehow a blog fits right in with this inhibited exhibitionism of mine. Whether i'm writing here, or in my own journal, or some short story, poetry, my ever-promised novel, or other form of novel, there is some mythical audience out there SOMEWHERE other than myself, or my intimates that i am writing for.

¿who are you?

can't sleep, can't sleep, can't sleep...

tossing and turning

turning and tossing

the thin blanket is too cold

the thick blanket is too hot

kick them off

kick them all off

cats crawling all over me

kick them off

kick them all off

leave me alone! let me sleep

let me (try to) sleep

i’ve had a cold, Sunday i slept all day, Monday i slept all day, Tuesday it was off and on (apparently i’m sleep cycling~my body says “you’ve had you’re quota now…) I hate insomnia. Many people suffer insomnia because they are up worrying, but i don't seem to start worrying until i'm stuck awake and need things to think about...I feel the migraine coming on…makes everything worse. And the clock just keeps on turning time (though i don't have any clocks that display the actual time in my bedroom due both to the constantly failing circuit, my ongoing nocturnal problems and my strange relationship with clocks. Every once in a while i turn on my cell phone to check the time. Sometimes i read or watch a little television til i think i'm tired. Try to sleep. Try something else. Usually at some seemingly appropriate time in the a.m i'll get out of bed and brew some tea...

tossing and turning

living with books

Living With Books: The Book-Lover’s Guide to Storing, Displaying, and Caring for Books by Alan Powers is basically a decorating/home design book though it does include some interesting tidbits about book history and book-lovers. Unfortunately it didn't offer me any new ideas on what to do with my massively overflowing collection of books (other than mentioning that bathroom humidity doesn't seem to do much damage to books~the bathroom being the one room in my house that doesn't currently house a library~but it is quite a small space to begin with...)

The book gives a very brief overview of the history of the book (one that really didn't spark many memories from my HISTORY OF BOOKS AND PRINTING from Library School) called The Social Life of Books. In it he describes the need of the collector to own books~and the thrill of the hunt (perhaps not quite the same anymore in these days of Internet, eBay, alibris, and the like) Though i have always dreamed of owning a house with a designated library i have not yet attained it so here's a quote i love, "In a truly bookish house there are no parts that do not contain books, and it is possible to judge the level of devotion (or bibliomania) by the ingenuity with which odd spaces are adapted to the purpose." Living With Books includes plans for a basic bookcase and wall-mounted shelves, metal rack projects, staircase shelf projects, stacking box projects, cantilever rack projects, and a solid wood traditional bookcase. Overall, the book makes for a nice little piece of diversional material.

things you might want to know

BLOG RULES: A Business Guide to Managing Policy, Public Relations, and Legal Issues by Nancy Flynn just came in to our library yesterday and it looked somewhat interesting so i read it. Just as its title states, it is a business's guide to blog policy issues. Presented for businesses who are considering starting blogs (internal or external) it also argues that all businesses should have written policies in place for employee's personal blogs (and though there are few companies that do have such written policies in place there are some rules in this book that may be of interest to bloggers not interested in joining the ranks of those fired~or dooced for items posted in their personal blogs~and NO blogging is not protected by freedom of speech in case you were wondering being a form of publication little things like defamation and such apply).

Anyway, the book makes for an interesting little read (if you are a Consumer of books like me) even if you are not a business wanting to start a blog. And points to consider if you are an average blogger with your personal blog (some of which should just be common sense~i mean THINK ~of course I don't always do that~but i really SHOULD...) * if you mention your company's name you should not blog anonymously~use your full name (and include a disclaimer, don't disclose trade secrets, confidential information, etc, etc, etc, you Really Should Know the drill... * always be truthful~bloggers always know~be transparent and conversational~be yourself * even if you don't mention names you can still be fired (employment at will means you can be fired for any reason~including blogging~know if you work in an at-will state~know your company's employment policy, all of it (you are legally bound by it as you signed it) * know the law: some bloggers have protections not available to at-will employees * know that employers are prescreening job applicants blogs (so you may loose a job before you even get it) * blogs are permalinked~so ANYONE can read your blog FOREVER * modify or deactivate your comment function * remember you are not protected by the first amendment * don't say anything in your blog you wouldn't say to some one's face.

the end of an era

if you were part of "the scene" (okay, maybe there was more than one scene but they all bled into one another at one time or another~you just had to be there~life really is synchronous) behind the Zion curtain in the 1980s (and/or probably after~i wouldn't really know) in the center of it, or even dancing around the edges of it, you knew Sean Fightmaster. He was everywhere. He touched everyone's life. You couldn't miss him. I remember running into him in the middle of the day when i was looking for roommates and apartments (he made me laugh~my friend was a little frightened). I remember running into him in the middle of the evening at parties and at concerts. I remember running into him in the middle of the night when i was working late at The pizza joint, trying to get my homework done before the after-bar closing rush. I remember him from everywhere.

If you saw SLC Punk (that not-so-fictionalized movie) you saw a version of him (the guy that was always tripping on acid~but like i said that was only a version~but i guess even if you weren't there you were touched by a part of Sean). I know i was. His name was perfect, inside his tough outer shell he was a softie~and he stood up for his own. He was born to be a punk rocker.

Sean died on December 6. He's gone from the scene now. He will be missed. Time sometimes seems to slap you in the face, it's sad (how else can it be said, really?)

Sean Travis Fightmaster 6/24/69 ~ 12/6/06 "You Are Loved"

excessive noise, rampant disarray, and other professional hazards of librarianship

The other morning, i was on the phone with my doctor’s receptionist, leaving a message to have doctor call me back.

"So, you're at home then?" she assumed.

"No, i'm at work," i wasn't sure why she was making that assumption, especially since i had been telling her i had been unable to come in for my allergy shots because of my change in work schedule.

"¿WHERE do you work? she asked, then added "I'm hearing screaming children in the background."

(oh now it made sense, i hadn't really noticed until now, and, if i had been at home there would be no such noise) "Believe it or not, i work in a library. You know, a librarian, that nice quiet profession where you get to read all day...?"

Later that day...

I was coming back from break and a disgruntled gentleman asked me if i worked here.

"Yes, how may i help you?"

"Your audiobooks have no semblance of order!"

"Hmmm, let's see what we can do."

I walk back to the section with him and immediately find the book on cd he is looking for.

He continues to insist that there is no order to the books on cd, over and over and over again.

After listening for awhile i want to agree with him and take the audiobook i've just handed him and place it back into the chaos, since i shouldn't have been able to find it.

He points to where it should be (with the Ks as that is the authors last name). I point out that it is a non-fiction title, and is therefore with the three hundreds. He thinks this is a ridiculous system. (which perhaps it is, though our library has always used it, as have many others...and he does have his desired item in hand)

"There are three things in this world that I want more than anything.

I'll tell you the first two, but I'll never tell you the third."

-first page of The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl by Barry Lyga (for a while i thought this might be the dedication page which left me elatedly confused because i love ambiguity~it is actually a rather important line from the book though i still really like it.)

Not that i've ever been a fifteen-year-old-boy but Lyga's narration seems to capture the essence and angst of that voice with absolute purity~and it is totally brimming with sarcasm (have i ever mentioned how fond i am of sarcasm?)

Fanboy is a fifteen-year-old genius nerd/geek (whatever the term of the day is) who is tormented by the jocks, popular kids, and seemingly everyone else (he keeps a list). He loves comic books {gosh those things seem to pop up everywhere, don't they?} an interest he shares (though in secret, seemingly) with the popular, "jockular" Cal (his one and only friend at South Brock High). He harbors secret fantasies of high-school hostage-take-overs and the obligatory "senior goddess" (Dina in his case).

Fanboy meets Kyra "Goth Girl" when she sends him emails letting him know she has witnessed his pummeling at the hands of one of the school bullies. He begins hanging out with her and they bond over their mutual hatred of the "way of the world" (though Fanboy begins to think maybe things are not so bad after all). He shares things with her he hasn't shared with anyone else (though he doesn't know why) like his ambition to be a comic book artist/author like his idol, (Brian Michael) Bendis. After she begs to see Fanboy's work he shows it to her and she encourages him in his plan to show it to Bendis at an upcoming comic book convention.

The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl is a wonderful book, without the typical moralistic overtone. It is Lyga's first, but it definitely doesn't feel like it. Lyga is a skilled wordsmith, an artist. He touched upon my life in ways i have never lived (i can't describe it well, but Lyga probably could).

In the words of the woman who recommended it to me: "It's really funny." (though that doesn't express, the drama, the trauma, and the seriousness of the issues the book deals with~she failed to add a few minor details). As this is a YA novel there are a few parents who might not love it, though i believe most teens would. Though lessons are learned it does not have a moralistic tone~and all is not hip hop happily solved in that non-realistic sitcommie way~it's like life... COOL

and speaking of...

this book includes one of the best descriptions of a migraine attack i have read in quite some time.

places i will never see

I was watching television tonight and they were showing pictures of New Orleans; i had a sudden flashback to the late 1980s when i so desperately wanted to move there. I planned on it. I told everyone i was going to do it. (I don't remember what i was planning to do once i got there~just that i was going)

then along came a boyfriend, and along came life, and well, you know...

and then came another flashback

to the early 1980s (and before)

when one of the places i wanted to go (and to see) more than anywhere else was the U.S.S.R. and Moscow and Leningrad

and isn't it funny, isn't it strange, isn't it sad

(isn't it odd how quickly things go from funny to sad)

that though the earth remains

the things that stand upon it

don't seem to.

Like dust in the wind

though i'm sure Russia's still beautiful

and New Orleans will never fall

or so they say

nothing will ever be the same

just like nothing ever changes...

some things make you proud to be a librarian and some things make you go hmmm...

I stumbled across this post (thanks to one of my listservs) in The Jurassic Librarian (seems an accurate description~just as i'm about to live up to my title as well as the ire of my sun sign) over a month ago (must have been somewhere around October 25 to be more exact), pondered it then, and have been meaning to write about it ever since, but you know how life kind of rolls along, rolls over you, you're rolling, and things happen and before you know it… (well, i don’t really know) but here it is:

We librarians, ever insecure about our status as "real" professional workers, tend to be the first to leap on any technological bandwagon that gets rolling. In this regard, we have ended to be at the forefront of any mass intoxication with technology. Indeed, the lag time between development of the hypertext transfer protocol and the appearance of web-enabled computers in public libraries was notably short -- the HTTP and HTML specifications appeared only in 1991, and by 1993 computers with web connections were beginning to appear in public libraries.
We are to be commended (but grudgingly, for my part) for the eagerness and aplomb with which we embrace new information technology and plow right into the unbroken technical sod. (Not that it has done our public image one bit of good -- we could have invented the web and we would still be popularly seen as grumpy, uptight, persnickety old church ladies with hair gathered in a bun.)
(And why didn't we invent the web?)
We are also to be commended for our professional focus on serving library patrons in particularly "high touch" ways.
And yet we tend to deploy new technology in libraries without regard to patron wishes. We simply bull ahead. We don't ask permission. We assume we know what is best for our patrons. We don't learn from patrons' daily struggles with machines and interfaces.
It is a tremendous hole in our profession.
Nothing so precisely illustrates the point as our trashing of our card catalogs. When Nicholson Baker complained about it in his article in The New Yorker, librarians did indeed protest too much.
Card catalogs demanded just two things -- an ability to read and an ability to flip cards with fingers. You didn't have to understand graphical user interfaces or how to operate a mouse. You didn't have to stand there and wait on a slow network. At the worst, someone might have hogged the drawer you needed for a few minutes, as opposed to nowadays when you lose access for days when the library's server crashes.
Nobody asked our patrons about the change. And we made two assumptions -- that everyone understands how to operate a computer, and that everyone would welcome the change from card to online catalogs. As anyone who still works a public desk can attest, the first assumption is patently false. And the earful I get everyday from patrons about the user-hostility of our online catalog suggests that the second assumption is false, too.
Mostly, though, the card catalog was something constructed on a human scale. Somewhere in the library, human beings created it and maintained it, relying only on the cataloging rules instead of the jabberwocky of computer science. The card catalog was a triumphantly physical object and cultural artifact, existing on the paper and in the oak in front of you, reliable, permanent (or so it seemed), and authoritative. It abided and it would not vanish into the ether the moment someone tripped over a power cord.
We have made second-class citizens of both those who cannot use information technology and those who refuse to use it. I'm reminded of a long-ago cartoon by Koren in The New Yorker, in which a poor fellow has been brought before the bench by bailiffs, one of which is informing the judge that the prisoner has been charged with "expressing contempt for data processing."
It may be cost-prohibitive to junk online catalogs at this point (though far greater resistance would come from librarians who long ago went over to the Dark Side than from city financial auditors), but a lesson we might take from the current sorry state of affairs is that we might ask our patrons about technology before we deploy it.
And would it be too much to ask that when the time comes to upgrade or change existing online systems, we first consider what we have been observing over the years as our patrons have struggled to use those systems? And redesign them in light of what we may learn?

Now, believe it or not, i am old enough to remember the card catalog. I did quite a bit of research using those "good old" cards and i have some (maybe NOT so) fond memories of it all; though i was not a professional (and interestingly enough i don't often find myself struggling with insecurities over my professional status~I Am a Professional~Damn it~don't make me rampage!) librarian at the time the systems i used made the switch from the old cards to more automated systems (i still had to stumble over a few card catalogue files on my way from computer to computer and stack to stack at times during library school while they were trying to decide what to do with them.) Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, the industrial revolution came, it wasn't embraced entirely, it brought much pollution and fear, Frankenstein was written (which was a great work of art, by the by). Automobiles came along, they were a tool of the devil (they do kill many people). Computers came along~they make life better~and so much more frustrating. (and can we please just let go of this image and how terrible it is~some of us like it~Nancy Pearl anyone?~some of us don't~some include librarians in their sexual fantasies along with the Catholic School Girls and the Military Men only the uptight librarians continue to obsess about their negative public image! and when i pull my hair back and wear my glasses i want to be able to be grumpy and shush!) Do we really want to go back to the card catalog? Could we, even if we wanted to? Can you ever really go back?

And do you always want to do exactly what the patron wants? If they don't know how to use computers, you either look things up for them and help them find them (like librarians always did with card catalogs); or help them do it themselves; or teach them how (isn't bibliographic instruction part of our PROFESSIONAL job description (it is mine)? (and where would we put card catalogs if we had them) and by the by we do do patron surveys and often incorporate the results into what we do in OUR system.

Also our system is rarely down for DAYS maybe your technology team should look into that, but that is part of the reason why we Professional Librarians are still there to find things because we still have those skills of Cataloging and Organization and Indexing and all of that good stuff we learned in Library School to help people find stuff without the aid of computers~but they sure do help when they're there.

okay, rant off